Great balls of fire and a big chopper on Derry Cairngorm and Ben Macdui

After a fantastic night's sleep and cooked breakfast at Gordon's B&B in Braemar, I was tooled and fuelled up for a big day out in the Cairngorms. I drove along the lovely road to Linn of Dee and parked up. I was travelling relatively light though I did have the waterproofs just in case. Conditions were excellent being cool, slightly overcast and just enough visibility to suggest some good photaes later on. I pegged it down to Derry Lodge and began the ascent up Derry Cairngorm. I had noticed a helicopter circling around the area and while it wasn't long before I was up at the 900m mark, neither was it long before the big chopper emitted a flare not 50 yards from me. What was going on? I continued on before out of nowhere the bloody thing came down to land not 100 feet from me. Were they going to take my camera from me? Was this someone's sick idea of a joke in trying to prevent me from bagging some more hills? No matter, I took off and proceeded up the final slopes of Derry Cairngorm and it's large boulder cairn. There wasn't time to waste and I ran down towards Carn Echtachan. By this time, I had began to experience some mild irritation in the scrotal area and as I pushed on past Coire Sputan Dearg, it became worse and worse. I had never experienced baw-chafe before but it was becoming very sore. I tried everything to alleviate things. I opened my trouser zip and ran thinking the cold air would help. I stopped and exposed all for at least 5 minutes but while that cooled the affected area, God also made woman in man's image. As the weather turned much colder, I began the last climb up towards the huge cairn and OS trigpoint, keeping a look out for the Old Grey Man. Fortunately, I arrived just as a fellow bagger was leaving and he managed to take a shot of me looking all happy at the top. I managed some lunch in a great wee shelter and then took off down the Sron Riach ridge. As I walked like John Wayne down the glen, I wondered how much damage had been done to my future weans. The walkout was long and relatively uneventful apart from a couple of Bambi experiences but once I got back to Chris Bruce's B&B I partook of a fine Cairngorm ale with a hearty meal. An excellent day out although singe-ing in the shower was not a pleasant experience.

Who let the dog out on Glas Tulaichean?

Not a thinly veiled reference to the classic pop song of 2005 but having parked at the Spittal of Glenshee, I began my walk up towards Glas Tulaichean and as I began to relax and enjoy the great outdoors, a barking voice shouted "Wherever you're going, it's the wrong way." A large woman approached and continued on "I don't understand why walkers with maps get mixed up with the wrong glen." At first, I thought it was Colin Montgomerie in drag and so I didn't respond as convincingly as I should have. Who did this woman think she was? Hadn't she heard of Pud and his Munro efforts, maps or nae maps? I thanked her for re-directing me towards the right glen and spent the next hour trying to calm down. As I meandered along the old rail-track which leads to the old and crumbling Glenlochsie lodge, I spotted the terrible path behind the lodge. It was a complete eyesore and clearly had been used to good effect in carrying the higher echelons in society to do a spot of shooting, in their Lend Rovas. Indeed, what was a proletarian like myself doing out here? I was not worthy. I sped up the A6 in quick time and spotted my target in the distance and had the pleasure of seeing 3 deer running across the path in front of me. Beinn a Ghlo was off in the distance and I could see Carn an Righ. As I summitted, I chilled out and had some lunch - a rather poor effort of Mother's Pride sandwiches, with jam and peanut butter (organic!). Within minutes, the clag moved in and I could see bugger all. It was 1500 and I had said i'd be at my B&B for 1700 so decided to leave the 2nd peak for another time as I had a big hillday planned the next day. The descent was uneventful and a relaxing walk out was only marred by a golden lab running up to me and barking in a non-friendly manner. Deja-ju....

Hot and cold on Bidean Nam Bian

The forecast was superb; so good in fact that I left any sheep-like material in the car. Andrew, my future brother-in-law was joining me and was keen to tackle one of the 'wee hills' in Scotland. He had thrown down the gauntlet and I was keen for him to enjoy a typical Scottish hill. We hit the car park at 0830 in order to beat the hordes and began our walk up to Coire nan Lochan. It was a pleasant meander but I still felt the legacy of the Ben Lomond race and was probably not walking to my partner's comfort. Andrew revelled in the shites for shore eyesh and was snap-happy with new camera. We eventually got onto the ridge up to Stob Coire Nan Lochan and once we topped out, the view was utterly amazing. The steep buttress of Bidean ahead, a sweep round to Loch Linnhe and beyond and Sgreamhach in the distance. We decided to have lunch here and I brought out 2 cans of root beer - how good was that. Andrew had sandwiches but he obviously wasn't aware of the 'lunch du jour' competition. My pasta, cajun chicken-rice concoction won hands down. We got going and began the last steep climb towards Bidean. We took our glory shots, headed down the ridge towards Sgreamhach, then the slippery descent to the Hidden Valley. We both 'glissaded' down the snow slope, which was much fun and then once at the foot of the Hidden Valley, Andrew decided to take a dip in a wee pool. I knew he was daft but allowed him to proceed. As he submerged himself, he shouted "Aaaah, this is just.....freaking freezing!" He departed the lochan tout de suite with no lack of haste and no crotch. After I had tested the watter (fecking baltic), we dried off and headed back to the car. It truly was a majestic day and one to remember.

Ben Lomond Race 2008

Cometh the hour, cometh the man. Two months of training, weight loss, booze deprivation and strict discipline had all lead to this moment. Emma generously drove me over to Rowardennan and I began the nervous wait before the race (1st pic). I knew that I wasn't going to finish anywhere near the top 50 but of the 175 runners entered into the race, I didn't want to be embarassed. On Friday, Lynda Browning had donated money to take the total raised for Scottish Motor Neurone's Disease to over £500 and that seemed apt. No matter how much pain I endured, I was doing it for a great cause. Most of the runners looked like runners; professional club shirts and skinny beyond belief whereas I just looked skinny and unprofessional beyond belief. At 1300, the whistle blew and we were off. I didn't want to set off too fast as I was well aware of what lay ahead. The temperature was about 20C and not great conditions for endurance running. However, I was surprised by how I was keeping up over the 1st mile. Perhaps I could beat 1 hour 45? Alas, once we began the steep ascent over the grass, I began to realise I was slowing up. I reached the flatter part of the hill and began to run again and felt good before approaching the summit climb. However, rather than ascend up the zig-zags, the route deviated straight up the summit - it looked and was absolutely brutal. Eventually, I arrived on to the last pitch before the summit, took a gulp of water and began the descent. Last time out, I felt fresh at this point but today, I knew I was struggling. 1 hour 15 to the summit - no way could I descend in 30 minutes. However, I began to make steady progress and over-took about 6 or 7 runners and halfway down I felt good. The last part of the race was run on sheer will-power and the fact that I had to beat 1 56, my practice time. I could hardly run at the end (2nd pic) but Emma cheering me on meant I had to get over that line and although I was almost doubled over with pain, I did it. My time (1 hr 55) and position (100th of 121 who finished) can be found at

http://www.scottishhillracing.co.uk/RaceResults.aspx?RaceID=RA-0035&RaceYear=2008

This doesn't include those who were turned back at the halfway point or couldn't finish. I was quite chuffed but felt I could have run faster on a colder day. I began the re-hydration process and said goodbye to Ben Lomond once and for all. By far the most physically painful thing I have ever done but thanks to all those who donated for the charity and supported me and hopefully the money raised can go towards research into MND. I started with a cliche and will finish with one - never again!

Fa moaned on Fionn Bhein?

Emma and I had been staying up in the Black Isle and the weather had been splendid. However, I was convinced by Emma that it would be better to just do the one Munro, rather than two I had planned and she was right, in that it was brutally hot for hill-walking. We arrived at the car park in Achnasheen and were almost mauled by a tiger-ish cat leaping from the woods up to the road. Cuteness. We started up the path and remembered the last time we ascended this route over 3 years ago to take in the Corbett, Meall a Chaorain. By default. Ahem. Anyhoo, we got to the bog-fields and made our way up the 1st peak before Fionn Bhein. In the heat of the day, we were struggling to keep hydrated but we strode on. Emma moaned the whole way up but I knew once we got to the top, she'd appreciate the fine views and solitude. We topped out to stupendous views of Liathach, An Teallach and many more. The North face of Fionn Bhein was also quite dramatic with plunging cliffs and a heap of snow. We had lunch, several pee-stops to ourselves and began the descent, which was done in quick-time. And at the bottom, we consumed the Orkney Ice Cream from the wee cafe, which was magic. Moaning aside, it was a grand day oot!

Ben Lomond - practice run - 2 weeks and counting

It was time to gauge how I was really doing and just see how bad I was. I arrived at the car park at 0705, changed and checked my watch. Breakfast was porridge and banana - I only had porridge last time so I'd need to see if there was a difference, intrinsic anomalies aside. I set off at 0709 and began the run through the forest, which has been severely decimated since I was last there. I didn't want to check my watch too often but I was really struggling and it was steeper than I imagined it to be. Out of the 'forest' and I was down to a walk and really peching. Eventually the gradient relented and I began jogging along the flat part but not on a constant basis - must rectify next time. The steep slog up to the summit was longer and steeper than I remembered (it always is). As I located the trig point, I was disappointed at my ascent time of 1 hour 17 minutes. I had hoped for something more like 1 hour. I didn't hang about and began the pad down. I felt strong and thought I could get down in 30 minutes. However, about 1 mile out, I really hit the wall and was reduced to a walk. What was going on? I eventually picked up the pace and got back to the car at 0905, with my descent time of 39 minutes. In total, 1 hour 56 minutes, which will get me a placing of 4th or 5th from last. Disappointed but I know I can do better. I have two weeks to eat well, drink nowt (apart from the night!) and do some more fitness work. I am sure I can shave 11 minutes off that time and hit the 105 minute target. If anything, apathy sure won't get the better of me.

Ben Lomond practice - Ben Arthur

I felt the need for speed and to see how I was doing in terms of practice for the Ben Lomond hill run. With only 3.5 weeks to go, I had to try something steepish, longish and toughish. I had never been up the Cobbler before so I thought I'd head up on a weekday early. I left Glasgow at 0650 and was at the Succoth car park for 0755. On the drive up, I had noticed a fair dump of snow on the hills which I had not banked on. I didn't have much gear for the hill - waterproof jacket, new Berghaus waterproof troosers, my trainers and a will to get up and down as quick as possible. I set off up the new path and it wasn't long before I realised it was a steep initial climb. Long enough to realise I wasn't running anymore and just concentrating on the lactic acid burn in my buttocks and calves. I walked up and jogged when I could before I hit the 1100ft mark in 20 minutes. Not bad - could I keep it going? Once past the Narnian boulders, things flattened out a little and I was running nicely, which surprised me - my fitness had obviously improved. However, once I got to the bealach at 640m (2100ft?), I realised I was up to my knees in snow and I couldn't locate the path anymore. It had stopped becoming a running exercise and was now a proper Winter hill-walk for which I was not properly equipped. 40 minutes to this point and thus on for scaling Lomond in an hour? I decided to head back down and began the sprint back. I passed 2 surprised onlookers and nearly cowped head over heels - how embarassing but still kept going. I hit the car park in 22 minutes descent and with 5 minutes fannying about at the bealach, gave myself some hope that I can get up and down BL in 90-100 minutes and not finish last. My last practice run is Lomond next week - judgement time.
Once back home, I got showered and into work for 1200 - and near enough fell asleep! 4 days on and the muscles are totally recovered. Bring it on.